I'm back from the dead.

Truly I don't have a ton to blog about or update because I have been extremely sick with pneumonia. I know, I know, it is so embarrassing that my health is that crazy and it just goes from one thing to the next. But, it is what it is and now I am trying slowly but surely to get over the effects from it. I coughed my guts out and nothing is less fun than having all these surgeries on your chest, and then coughing on top of it all day every day. It has been so miserable.

Pneumonia leaves you so weak for so long, and one of these days I will get my body out of bed for more than a few hours. Really I have not left my it, except for doctor's appointments, since my surgery December 7th. You can imagine what Christmas goodies/dinner and laying in bed for three weeks does to a body....not pretty.

However I had an incredible Christmas despite it all! My mom tried really hard to bring the Christmas spirit to me because I didn't get to do one ounce of Christmas outings and shopping and festivities. It truly was me and Scuddles and this ridiculous show:

Yep, I really did it. Once again, embarrassing I know, that I watched all 6 seasons in these three weeks. I did nothing but fill my mind with Manhattan's elite and scandalous lives. It is pretty ridiculous, but what else did I have the energy to do? Zero. Zilch. Not even the energy to read or have visitors.

I didn't expect or ask for anything for Christmas because I have been quite the expensive child with all of these surgeries and prescriptions and tests. Really, I don't need a thing! But my parents always throw in surprises and in the bottom of my stocking I found this:

They couldn't buy one in the state because they were so back ordered so it is coming monday! I was so shocked and so excited. Once again, the parents outdid themselves. 

My other exciting present was this:

4.0!! Yay!! I truly never (and don't think I have ever) posted about grades, but this semester was just too exciting! I worked so hard and was so blessed because of how much I was dealing with, surgeries and hospital visits and all, and can't believe I finished off this well. I wanted to quit so many times and withdraw and I am so glad I toughed it out. Another example that proves you can definitely do whatever you put your mind to.

And that about wraps up my excitement for now. I am going to attempt to go out in public to go see the incredible (from what I hear) Les Miserables with my family tonight. I have been dying to see it and my family has been so sweet to wait and see it with me when I felt well enough...I just love them so much.

More later.

And since it is all I have been watching I feel like I have to end with this...

You know you love me...

XOXO,
Gossip Girl

Cheltz

I'm a very sick girly right now.

I kind of sound like a man a horse and a frog all in one.

We are keeping our fingers crossed the upper respiratory has not, and will not turn into pneumonia.

My body is so weak and my immune system is pretty compromised.

In the mean time besides sleeping I have been pinning, playing all kinds of ridiculously difficult versions of solitaire, and finding funny videos on the inter-galactic web.

My personal favorites, SNL of course:

With all of this political stuff and many opinions floating around Facebook because of the election and now gun control, sometimes I feel like this is about how educated people are on a lot of issues.

Just kind of funny....you know it's true. 

Childhood Christmas

With all this sadness and devastation surrounding the shooting, I just wanted to blog about something happy. I cry every time I watch the news and it breaks my heart. I already had a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit with being sick and all, and this definitely isn't helping. 

So to get myself into a little more cheerful mood, I was thinking back on how much my parents did to make Christmas so special. It was just magical and so I just wanted to write some of what they did to create such fun memories!

1. On Christmas Eve after we fell asleep, my mom would always sneak in and put some black make-up  on our cheek to make it look like Santa had come in and given us a kiss and left some coal dust behind.

I always tried so hard to stay up and catch Santa giving me a smooch, but I never could! As we got older one Christmas we woke up without our yearly smooch....and we all were so sad. My mom thought we were too old for it and didn't think it mattered anymore. She definitely thought wrong! After we were all so devastated, my mom has still tried to do it every Christmas anyway. Never too old for Santa!

2. We always get new jamies every year on Christmas Eve....a lot of people have this tradition. But the thing that made this so fun for us was that the elves brought them to us! We would always wait for the doorbell to ring and every year, there would be our matching jamies on the front porch. We tried so hard to catch them, but I still to this day cannot figure out who would leave them there! This was so exciting for us to run upstairs with such excitement and was always our favorite part of the night. Don't forget about the fun of modeling them for everyone after, naturally ;).

3. On Christmas morning we always had to wait at the top of the stairs in the kitchen while my dad held up the blanket so we couldn't see how magically Santa had left all of our gifts. My mom waited at the bottom with the camera so she could capture our excited and surprised faces as my dad dropped the blanket. The excitement was almost too much! Those few minutes were seriously agonizing, and I know my dad made us wait longer than necessary because it was so fun to make us wait. The best was when I got older and understood how Christmas a little more to watch my younger siblings get so excited. I loved it. And we have a lot of hilarious videos of the shrieks and screams and gasps of excitement as we discovered what Santa had left us!

4. My mom always buys an ornament for each family member that best represents us for that year and then will write us a note about how much she loves us. When we are all married and have our own families, then we can take all the ornaments we have been given with us to decorate our own trees. They come with so many memories and I can look back and see all of the stages of life we were in. So fun to decorate the tree every year! So now we have our nice tree upstairs, and downstairs we have all of our personal and funny ornaments where we open our presents. One of my favorite traditions. She also get's the family a book that we read on Christmas Eve all together before we go to bed. She writes the year and some of the big events in the front of the book so we can remember the great times we had. 

5. On Christmas Eve we have all of the family over at our house for dinner with lot's of delicious foods! We play games and do a lot of laughing and talking, but my personal favorite....we always do karaoke. It is hilarious, and I don't know how this tradition started, but we do it every year. Wish everyone could hear my dad sing Hearts of Fire by Earth, Wind, and Fire. It's so classic, and a must.

6. Christmas is such a time of giving and service. Every year we find some way to give like feeding the homeless, picking a family to surprise, angel tree, visiting the elderly, or giving in our ward. My favorite year I can ever remember was feeding the homeless at Magleby's. Nothing like helping others to bring the Christmas spirit and remind us of the ultimate example of charity, Jesus Christ.

7. Christmas movies. Enough said. 

 

I can literally quote The Grinch from beginning to end, word for word. It is my favorite movie of all time! I just also love Elf so much as well. They never ever get old to me.

8. Boyfriends and crushes at Christmas are the best. I remember my first experience with Christmas "love" was when me and a kid named Marcus were "going out" in 5th grade and he brought me Bath and Body Works lotion for my present. It was so cute. Of course as I got older, it became more romantic and I have some really great memories at Christmastime. I can't wait til' I find my one true love and get to share Christmas with him because I know it will just become more and more magical. 

There are many more wonderful memories that made my childhood incredible, but this post would go on forever if I wrote them all down. For now, these are some of the things that I will always cherish and traditions I will keep with my kiddies one day. I'm so grateful for parents who rock and who tried so hard to make every year so special and amazing! 

Thanks to them, I still believe in Santa :).

Merry Christmas everyone!

And prayers to all those families whose Christmas is going to be difficult this year because of their loss.

I hope that somehow, some way, they can find some peace during this season.

More later...

Surgery 10

 It has taken me a while until I have felt well enough to even think of this blog. However, it is therapeutic for me to write it all, as well as informs everyone who has been kind enough to keep tabs on me and how everything went.

Last week I was super anxiety ridden and terrified for the procedure, as well as the stress of having a ton of papers and final exams to finish. If I'm being honest I haven't felt that much anxiety in years, but we got through it.

I spent the day before surgery trying to finish 3 finals, one 10 page research paper, film a group project, get everything in order, and keep my mind off the day ahead. These kids tried to keep my busy and entertained on top of all of it by going with me to go get delish food:

  


That night I was super emotional. I just really had no idea what to expect the next day. I truly knew I was not going to die, but was I going to be subjected to another surgery without being put under? Would I have open heart again?? I mean the list goes on and on. I was dreading the whole process and I think part of the problem and the reason for much of my anxiety is I really knew what I was in for.

5:15 AM the next morning came awful early and very quickly. I woke up like a slug, and hopped in the shower. You always know: a) everyone is going to see you naked, so extra long showers are in order as to make sure every nook and cranny is good and clean (haha, but seriously), and b) that it will probably be the last one for a little while... so enjoy it while you can.

My poor parents looked like they had been hit by a bus. It has been a very large roller coaster and their anxiety was easy to see as well.

We checked in while it was still dark and I had big butterflies in my tummy. We waited a while and then I was finally called for registration. I always get the same conversation:

I pull out my license and insurance card as I watch the lady's face be surprised that she didn't have to ask for it. She looks over my paper work, get's a concerned look on her face when she sees my medical history, asks all the usual questions and then says, "wow....heart surgery huh? You are much too young to have heart problems". I answer, "ya, I know. No fun." I continue to sign in all the places without her telling me whereand she says, "you must come here a lot. You definitely know what to do". "Yup...." and she puts the wrist band on me. Then finally, I always get the, "good luck sweetie!" with a worried look. I feel grateful for the kindness, but it reminds me that I am going in for something scary. I don't like it.

They call my name, I go back to the cath lab, they hand me a gown.

We can definitely all agree that this is one of the world's worst photos of me, but it is what it is. 

Who looks good in a hospital gown??

Obviously not me. 

Then the nurse comes in, asks me where I prefer to be poked (I appreciated that, the answer is nowhere....) takes my blood and starts my IV. She tells me she will be my cocktail waitress during surgery and that I will be sedated. That was not a good sign because the sedation simply does not work on me! I kind of started to panic.

She leaves and 5 minutes later she comes back and tells us that Dr. Tate insisted that I be under general anesthesia rather than sedation because of my prior experience. Not to mention the length of the procedure and what could happen during surgery that would be uncomfortable. I LOVE HIM! That was the first miracle.

My dad had given me a priesthood blessing earlier that week and had promised me some very specific things. Some are too sacred to share, but everything that he said and everything the Lord promised me happened. I can just promise you that. A few that I can share were:

1. My experience would not be like my previous one, I would not be awake for the procedure, and my body would react to the anesthesia.

2. The doctor's hands would be guided by many forces, seen and unseen. That they would be able to fix the problem.

3. I would have countless angels of those I had cared for, their families, as well as my own family members and friends from the other side to take care of me.

It was pretty awesome to say the least.

My mom happened to see this painting the day before that pretty much illustrates how I felt...angels all around me. I really could feel the hundreds of prayers that had been offered on my behalf and the comfort received from many guardian angels.

I don't really know how to describe the feeling, except for strength and peace and love. But it is so real and tangible! I am so grateful because I did not feel so alone.

The doctor came in and explained in a lot of detail what he was going to do. He answered all of our concerns and questions so that it was easy to understand and made us feel validated. I just really like him so much and knew I was in great hands. We waited for the anesthesiologist because he was not scheduled, and I was more than willing to wait. My mom knitted nervously and my dad played on his iPad and I just laid there...trying to prepare myself.

Finally they came to take me. I just hate those last hugs and smooches from the parents before I go back because it feels so scary and so final, in some weird way. I am sure it is worse for them...in fact I know it is so I shouldn't complain.

 They take me back and I lay on the cold hard slab with the music blasting...once again. It is like the never ending nightmare I keep reliving! They start sticking stuff all over me, strapping me down, and I start to feel a little drowsy. I start saying funny things, because I am great on drugs, and they put the mask over me and tell me to breathe deeply. Just before I go out he says, "OK, here we go, I'm going to put you under." I blurt out through the mask, "THANK YOU KINDLY!" and....I was gone.

What a relief. 

I woke up 6 hours later in quite a bit of pain and the horrible chills from anesthesia. My recovery nurse was awesome and got me to feel much better. 

I truly don't know anything that happened because the doctor came in while I was sleeping to give updates to my parents. Apparently it was a pretty rough 6 hours. 

I guess what happened is at first they saw a very clear pattern of where the tachycardia was happening and it was in a completely different place that they thought and was much less complicated to fix. Seriously an incredible miracle. In order to see where the problem is happening they pump you full of adrenaline and put your heart through quite a bit. They were able to go in and fix it however with a small ablation to the area to get to it to stop. It was great news!

The doctor came in to tell them it all went great, left the room, and not two minutes later did the nurse come in and tell them there was a problem and I went back in to arrhythmia in a different place as well. That was stressful. Another few hours went by with them trying to recreate what they had just seen and could not get me to do it again. They are hoping that it was just caused from everything they were putting my heart through, and not a problem with my heart itself. In the end they cut through both my legs and put enough adrenaline in me that it was equivalent to running 3 marathons.

Recovery is never fun after these because you can't lift your head or move your legs for 4 and half hours. Shoot me. They also pump you full of fluids so you have to pee more than you ever have in your life, but can't get up to go...this means bed pan, and bed pans mean misery. My chest also felt like someone had stomped on it, my throat killed me because of the intubation tube, sore legs and pelvic area from the catheter, and massive headache from the adrenaline. I could not wait to get home!

Gratefully everything went better than expected so I did not have to stay in the hospital. I was so happy and could not wait to get into my own little bed!

So I have done a lot of this...

Ramen, slushies, TV, pills, hanging out with Scuddles, "get well" cards and love, swollen feet, legs and pelvis, and waiting for something exciting to happen on social media. Oh yeah, and playing a lot of solitaire.

                

People always ask me how I can stand staying in bed for so long. My answer is: I have no idea.

It has been years of this I guess, so I try to stay busy and pass the time. It get's lonely, but my family and Sonny is there and I don't really have energy to be around people...so it is a vicious cycle.

So I'm gonna keep on keeping' on!

I don't feel awesome. In fact I still feel like a bus hit me, and am coming down with a bug on top of the surgery...but nothing that isn't expected.

So that's my story and I'm sticking' to it.

All I can say is I am a miracle child. There is a God and He loves me very much and knows every ache and pain and mental anguish and frustration and misery I have gone through. He knows this is the only way for me to be sanctified through difficult things....to become a better person after I have struggled my way through. So in a weird way, I'm so grateful for all of it.

That being said, I sincerely hope it is over! And that now it can be on to healing and recovery. I am so humbled by all of the love and support given to me. I have the best and most incredibly family and friends in the world! I just wish I could thank everyone individually and not collectively, but it is so difficult because of the overwhelmingly large number of support I have been given. So THANK YOU and I just love you so much.

More later.

My Thanksgiving in pictures (mostly).

I had an incredible Thanksgiving break! It was so fun because this year my birthday fell on Thanksgiving. Everyone was so amazing and made me feel so special and loved. 

So here is my weekend in pictures :). Hope it was a great break for everyone else too.

I went to Skyfall  and came out at 1:30 AM and I had all these texts and FB messages that started my birthday out so amazing. Props to Scotty for being #1 to start out the day at 12:03 AM.

I also woke up, thanks to my Sis, to the 50 Cent song In Da' Club, as per my request, because shawty, it's my birthday. And I wanted to party like it's my birthday. 

I was also in shock when I walked upstairs to find my aunty Diana here that I have not seen in probably 10 years. I love, LOVED having her here and spending time with my family.

We played tons of games (especially Scrabble), watched tons of movies, and laughed our pants off. 

This was the night we had my birthday dinner which consisted of delicious ribs and rice, Hawaiian style, and lots of good times.

And of course, my sweet mom made my favorite Cherry Chip Cake. I have had it every year and I love, love it. Always will. 

Also, we have laughed and laughed about this picture because of my giant cleavage that isn't actually cleavage. My scar has now made my chest look 20 times the size it actually is. Good times.

It was a great break and a very, very happy birthday. Although, I will say turning 24 hasn't settled very well yet....I just really liked being 21 and feel like forever I want to be that age. Forever 21 yo. Like the store.

Well, happy thursday!

And happy stupid finals crunch time. Yuck.

Here we go again....

I am scheduled for my next surgery, or procedure rather, of a cardiac ablation on December 6.

Here goes surgery number 10! We're officially on to double digits...yuck. 

Way too many for 24 years old, but it is what it is.

Up until now I feel like I have been pretty brave and ready for whatever is next. But this time around, if I am going to be honest I have a huge amount of anxiety. The last time I had this procedure done when they put the device in originally, it was a horrible and terrifying experience and I feel like I seriously have post traumatic from it!

Just to give you an idea of how the process goes is they strap you and your arms down above your head to a board, like in the picture above, and you have about 20 or so people rushing around in the room working on you. Usually they give you some medication to knock you out, but for me it didn't work. I'm quite the heavy weight apparently because 8 doses later (the maximum amount), I was still awake and talking. So there I am, naked on this table, strapped down, and being numbed in the groin area (which hurts quite a bit), wishing I was asleep so much. 

To make matters a little more interesting I can actually watch everything they are doing to my heart on the screens next to me. It is a very freaky experience. I think the surgeon forgot I was awake when he said, "uh-oh, we have a very big problem here..."

"Well, that's super awesome" I think to myself, and I start freaking out.

Then, towards the end in order to get the device in place they yank on it as hard as they can and say to me, "this is going to be pretty uncomfortable" and then send my heart into hysteria and massive, incredible, ginormous, amounts of chest pains.

In the middle of this horrible experience, my anesthesiologist turns to me and says...."I'm so sorry, you should have been asleep for all of that."

Well, Mr. Gary (that was his name, I still remember.) anesthesiologist man....I don't like you one bit right now. Give me a freaking Ambien for all I care. I just don't want to be awake at all please! 

So yes, to send myself back into that situation makes me really nervous. And I really am pretty weary of being poked and re-poked and jabbed and tape yanked off again and again. And they better sure as heck use some different, much stronger meds and knock me the heck out because that was a nightmare I really do not want to relive.

I know it has to be done and I am going to be fine in the end. But I have really tried hard to prepare myself for every situation possible and know the risks involved. People keep telling me to not catastrophize the situation or create a negative self-fulling prophecy and to have a better attitude. But how can I not think about those possibilities when for years every time I was told I was going to get better more complications have come up?

I don't think I have a pessimistic attitude, just more realistic this time around. Things could go great! And I would be so incredibly happy for that. Obviously that is what I want and I am hoping and praying that is what is best for me in the end.  But I guess I am trying really hard this time around to not get my hopes up too high because I am scared of being disappointed again. 

So that's how I really feel. Is that bad?

I'll take any prayers I can get.

More later. 

There is nothing better....

than getting new music.

I love finding great new music (or even old that you forgot about), adding it to your iPod, and blasting it in your car as loud as you want.

Last night I did just that.

I went out with friends and it was so fun! And then afterwards it was really late and hardly any cars were out.

So I blasted my new tunes, and drove....and drove....and drove...

 (trying not to think about how much gas I was wasting)

Really it was just so relaxing. And wonderful.

I like pretty much every kind of genre of music (country, rap, indie...whatever.) so playlists get kind of weird and muddled, but I love them!

So here is my most random playlist to date:


Enjoy.

While you listen, I'm going to keep doing a big. fat. nothing. staying in bed with Scuddles (and continue trying unsuccessfully to do homework).

Happy Thanksgiving Break!


Love,

The Lazies

A Liebster? Huh?

Well, what a cute little surprise. That darling Rylee Blake nominated me for the Liebster award for my blog! I have no idea what a Liebster is, but it kind of sounds like "Biebster" so it feels like a pretty big deal...haha. 

Apparently how this works is that it is given to blogs who have 200 public followers or less. It is a way to get your blog out an get a few more followers as your blog is growing. Very angelic (as my sister would say)!

Here are the rules:

- Must list 11 things about yourself

- Must answer the 11 questions the nominee made for you

- Choose 11 of your own favorite blogs to nominate.

- Create questions for them to answer and let them know they are nominated.

So here goes nothin, Liebster!

11 things about Cheltz.

1. I absolutely love rap music.

I'm not usually your stereotypical rap lover, but I get quite a kick out of it.

For some reason if I hear something, I memorize it really easily...

especially music lyrics and movie lines.

My favorite thing to do is memorize rap songs and bust out every. single. word. for people.

Especially when they least expect it.

I wish you could see their faces. 

2. I have a lot of embarrassing moments. Quality embarrassing moments.

See post HERE.

3. I cannot, and will not go to bed until my nightly ritual has occurred.

This consists of:

- generally a bowl of cereal

-brushing of teeth

- washing the face

- taking the contacts out, 

- chapstick and lotion (a MUST),

- telling my family "love ya, ga-night"

 - writing a few things I am grateful for

(and ya, maybe checking Facebook. #addicted).

And even then after all of that, I still have the worst insomnia known to man.

That's where sleeping meds have been a gift to me.

4. Speaking of sleep, if I could change only one single thing in my life, 

it would be the ability to sleep at night.

Hands down. 

My body is weird (duh) and since about 7th grade I have been able to sleep any time of day

.....until about after 9 PM. 

 All of the sudden I am wide awake!

I stopped taking naps to try and get my cycle in sync, to no avail. 

5. I have an incredibly over active conscience.

Always have, probably always will.

Sometimes it is good, and other times it has caused a lot of anxiety over spilt milk. 

6. I'm pretty sentimental and have saved every letter/card/note I have ever been given.

Seriously.

I think because I have had so many people pass away in my life, I just want to keep any and all piece of memory of every person that ever took the time to think of me. 

Yes, I even have all of those notes from 7th grade we passed from locker to locker.

They are just too funny and too great to throw away. 

7. I don't like sweets or chocolate very much.

I know, right?

I honestly cannot think of a time I have ever eaten an entire candy bar in one sitting.

I would honestly probably throw up. 

 I think it is due to my mom not feeding me sugar when I was a baby.

Yup, she was one of those moms.

People always say, "wow! You are so lucky, I wish I didn't crave sweets!"

Not really, because I just crave salty things instead, which is probably worse.

8. I have been to 49 states. 

Yep, never been to Alaska.

But I owe much of that to driving cross country when I was little and 3 week road trips with 

my grandma every summer where we would try and hit as many states as we could.

We even would stop every place we wanted to along the way.

It was magical.

I love to travel and have amazing memories from around the world.

Don't tempt me with cool places to go.

In my mind, I am already there.

9. I have had 10 surgeries and a lot of painful procedures done, 

but cannot handle the dentist or shots in my mouth. 

My anxiety goes through the roof even to have a cleaning done. 

I don't understand this??

10. I didn't used to be, but have turned into quite the clean freak.

I love to clean.

I love to have all my stuff in R.O.Y.G.B.I.V. order and lame stuff like that.

I can't handle if my bed isn't made anymore when I leave my house.

Kinda good, kinda lame. 

11. Man, I can't think of 11!

Here are Rylee's questions...

1. if you could do anything and money was no matter, what would you do?

Definitely travel all over the world seeing new things and learning and doing humanitarian work.

 It sounds so cliche, but nothing makes me happier than helping others.

 Especially kids who have not a chance in the world to make it in third world countries.

Nothing is like holding a child and loving them with a different kind of love than I can even explain.

Most of the kids in the orphanages I worked in had never been held or told 'I love you'. It is an incredible experience and I would just love nothing more than to do that for the rest of my life. 

I just said love a lot in that paragraph, but I really do love it so much!

2. what is your favorite memory?

Probably Africa.

Or my mission.

Or experiences with each family member.

Or going through the temple.

Or all my amazing times at Dixie.

I don't know! I have so many. Can't answer that!

3. who has made the biggest impact on who you are today?

My parents.

My parents are so incredible and have taught me so much!

I know everyone says that, but really my parents are the best.

They have done so much for me and taught me so many lessons and have strengthened me so much.

I adore them.

4. if you could be any celebrity, who would you be and why?

Oh this is easy...Oprah!

I love that lady.

I would love to just have zillions of dollars and give so much away.

So fun!

5. favorite holiday

Christmas and Halloween

Really I love all holidays though.

6. favorite movie

The Grinch.

7. who is your biggest role model?

Still my parents :)

8. where is the best vacation location?

Hawaii and Thailand

9. what goals do you have for the next year?

Get all of my health issues out of the way, graduate, be better at budgeting, and get skinny (kinda hard when I can't exercise...oh well! I will get there one day.) 

10. what were you like in high school? 

Super involved in everything, especially student government and Operation Smile.

I really had such a great high school experience and had amazing friends that I am still very close with today. I really don't know how I got so lucky to love high school so much! But I sure did.

I feel like I had friends in every kind of group and that it wasn't as cliquey as a lot of other schools.

I really loved that. Good experience all around. 

11. What makes you happy?

So many things make me happy! I am grateful for so many amazing things in my life.

Mostly family and good friends and my little Scuddles and pushing myself and accomplishing goals.

I am also happy when I am meeting new people and serving and living the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I'm just happy!

That's all. 

I nominate these kids:

1.Jasmine Bean

2. Kristin Bassett

3. Sarah Buck

4. Cami Fairbanks

5. Jessica Tanner

6. Brynn Homer

7. Julie Garbutt

8. Michelle Cope

9. Mindy Sagers

10. Dani Monson

11. Cami Vasic

Apartment.

Like I was saying in my other post, I really, REALLY, really need to get out of my contract for my apartment. It has been a great place to live, but I have spent an incredible amount of money (for me) to a place I can hardly live in. I planned on moving out to have more of a social experience before I knew I would need open heart. Now, I am picking the worst time possible to sell because of all the girls at BYU trying to pick up and leave for a mission selling their contract.

So I am asking from the bottom of my messed up little heart if you know of anyone who is looking for a BYU approved, female, private room/bathroom to let me know!

You will get an awesome deal because I am paying $360 per month currently and will give it up for $299 a month. It includes washer/dryer, new carpet, all new furnishings, covered underground parking, internet/cable, close to campus and Gold's Gym, great ward, and central air.

Sorry for the bad pictures, but you get the idea.

Email me at chelseamichelle88@yahoo.com if you or anyone you know is interested.

Thanks so much!

This is what's up.

So I have been meaning to give a little update and it has been so crazy. I didn't want to post anything until I knew for sure what was going to happen and now we have a pretty good idea.

Here is a pic of my new heart monitor (and my voter sticker. Tough, tough loss. Giant pill to swallow.).

It's pretty crazy, and pretty expensive, and pretty hard to cover up with most of my shirts. I get some pretty funny looks, mostly because I am so young I think! I'm over it. It goes with my giant scar and it is what it is.

It comes with a cell phone that goes crazy when my heart goes nuts or go further than 15 ft away from it. My heart is constantly being monitored as well as I have to call and report anytime I feel any symptoms (SVT's, dizziness, rapid heart rate, PVC'S, shortness of breath, etc..). Then there is a small box that you can wear on your belt loop...I look very official. As well as a little fanny pack looking thing. I'm super cool is all I can say.

So as of now the patch they put in my heart is pretty big and it is in the septum separating the top two chambers of the heart called the left and right atrium.

The patch is about the size of a quarter and is a tissue that is not electrical conducting. My doctor explained it like a round-about. Most people's heart would create it's own electrical path where the conduction would go around and come out at one side and be just fine. Mine, for some reason, is just getting stuck at the patch and going around and around and around. This is making the bottom two ventricles, the really important part of the heart, freak out because it is getting spotty electrical signals. It is making them pump so fast and so hard that they don't have time to fill up with blood, and therefore the rest of my body is not getting the proper amount of blood. I black out when this happens and go numb in all of my limbs and have a lot of pain.

When they put me on beta blockers and rhythm pills it stops these episodes for the most part. Unfortunately they keep having to up the dose more and more because they keep breaking through and the side effects are just awful. The hope was that 3 months after surgery my heart would kind of "figure itself out" and I would be ok and the beta blockers would hold me over. Now that it is 3 months after and I am still having them even through the medication, the chances are very low.

We decided that I would wear the monitor for the next month to get a better idea of where they are happening and what other things are going on so the doctor can get a greater plan for the procedure. We also were just giving it a little more time to see if maybe there is a chance that it would go away and my heart could heal and be a little stronger for the surgery (ablation).

So, in december he is going to go in and burn some scar tissue from the patch to another non conducting tissue, like my valve, to stop the signal from going around and around and around. Generally it is not a big deal, they go up through my leg and that is that. The problem is there is just the chance of so many complications like creating a new hole in the patch and having to be opened up or having to have a pace maker. I could bore you forever and a day for all the could-be possibilities, but I won't. 

Case and point, I'm nervous. I haven't been nervous til now. And I honestly don't know how I could handle much more. That is why in my prayers I no longer ask to be healed, but I ask to be helped and to have the strength to handle whatever else is going to happen. I have a feeling this trial is not over, but I know I can do it. I know whatever is happening is best for the long-term issues. 

Everything is just so up in the air and that is really what stresses me out. I really need to sell my apartment contract. I really need to get a job, but if something happens and I am sick for much longer that is not an option.  I really need/want to finish school. I want to be social. I just need to function, and right now every day brings a different challenge. One hour I might feel a little better and the next I am dragging and not feeling good. So who knows? I don't. I am just trying really hard to have faith that God knows best and things will work out. I don't know how, but they just will. 

So that's it for now. Sorry this is so boring, but that's the plan for now! More later. 

I love makeup.

Oh man. Halloween is awesome. It is ESPECIALLY awesome when your mom is a hairdresser and makeup artist. This year I was feeling pretty horrible, but I was so excited for my costume and a particular party that no matter how I was feeling I determined to go.

So I made it! And even if I didn't get to make it the whole night, I had a blast while I was there and I had such a great time getting ready with my mom.

This year I was a "toddler and tiara" baby. Mostly "Mckenzie".

If you haven't seen the show and don't know who she is, watch it here:

You will die.



My mom has always done an incredible job on costumes year after year, and hair and makeup for things like prom, pageants, halloween, (friend's) weddings (mine eventually one day) etc...case in point:

See what I mean?

She is awesome, and it has been so fun. And it has rubbed off on me and how much I love, love, LOVE makeup. 

My essentials:

MAC Waterproof fluid line eye liner.

Won't budge. 

Especially with my watery and sensitive eyes with contacts.

MAC Studio Fix Fluid Foundation.

Also stays on all day.

Full coverage.

Oil Free.

Doesn't feel heavy.

 MAC paint pot.

Put this all over your eye before eye shadow.

Doesn't matter what kind of shadow you are wearing, you will get a lot more out of it with this.

Once again, it won't budge!

 MAC long wear blush.

All I can say is this goes on beautifully.

Stays all day.

Clinque 3 Step facial care.

I just started using this recently and can already tell a difference.

My face is so soft and a lot clearer!

Love. 

I adore this powder. 

Light and fresh and keeps your foundation looking great all day.

So there ya go. Love this stuff! And for years I kept buying cheap grocery store make-up because I was convinced I was saving money...but not true. It might be more expensive up front to buy department store make up, but it lasts FOREVER. And you can try it before you buy it, instead of buying 50 things you don't like. In the long run you save more, and save your face. Literally.

And finally, I leave you with this hilarious video and little darling giving her own make-up tutorial. Reminds me of myself when I was little playing in the mirror with my mom's make-up! Enjoy!