Monday, October 1, 2012


Lately my heart has been made so tender. Maybe literally and figuratively? Haha, but seriously.

I have been so weepy and teary because I have just felt so much love in my life. Not necessarily romantic love (However, I think everyone in the world is on the hunt for my brown man...thanks for that by the way!), but just loved.

This has certainly been one of the most difficult things I have ever been through...if not the most difficult.

In the process however, I have gained this incredible relationship with God, a deeper relationship with my family, and felt a lot of love and compassion from friends and strangers alike.

My relationship with God and Jesus Christ has become one that I can barely talk about because I get so choked up. I know, now more than ever, that there is a God in Heaven. And a loving one at that! Who has been there for me to help when no one else can. I have known and felt this all throughout my life. But this experience has taught me to really, really rely on him and ask for help. A lot. I could not and cannot do this alone. It is just simply too hard and too painful and too frustrating.

Every time I feel like I can't go on and ask for help, no sooner am I comforted through his love and mercy. There is nothing like realizing you are in over your head, and that you must rely on God for help. I could write a novel on the amount of times throughout this experience where I have received answers to my pleadings of what to do next or times I have had promptings of what to do or not to do that have spared my life. His hand really is in every part of my life.

I also love knowing that Jesus Christ not only suffered for my sins, but took all of the pain you and I will ever suffer so that he could understand how to help us. He is the only one who understands what I have been through fully and completely and I can rely on that atonement to help me, no matter what my problem.

I love these quotes I heard over the weekend...

"...our Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ, know us and love us. They know when we are in pain or suffering in any way. They do not say, 'it's ok that you're in pain right will be healed.' They feel the depth of our suffering and we can feel of Their love and compassion in our suffering."

"... He has not forgotten you. Whatever sin or weakness or pain or struggle or trial you are going through, He knows and understands those very moments. He loves you! He will carry you through those moments. He has paid the price that He might know how to succor you. Cast your burdens upon Him. Tell your Heavenly Father how you feel. Tell him about your pain and your afflictions and then give them to Him."

- Linda S. Reeves (find that awesome talk HERE)

I know He is there. I love Him dearly. And to me, even if I can't see Him, He is as real to me as anything I know.

Side note: Have you seen these pictures? They are by Mark Mabry.
Instead of paintings of the depictions of Christ, they are photographs.
I love them. I think they are beautiful.
See them HERE.

And my family. Oh, my family has also just been an incredible strength and help to me. I feel overwhelmed with how much they have done for me, of course throughout my life, but now more than ever. So many selfless hours and time and money and prayers and love have been spent on me. I just love them now more than I ever thought I could. I thought I loved them a lot before! But to watch people serve you and help you just out of pure love and to have them do things for you that you absolutely cannot do for yourself, is just amazing. And humbling. And how can I even write about it?? I can't...because there is too much. I am so grateful for the family I have. They are just so incredible.

And finally friends. Sooooooo, so, SO (times a billion) many people have been incredibly kind and helpful and loving toward me. I have a lot of shoeboxes full of kind notes, cards, messages, and gifts that have been given over the years in my time of need. How many Facebook messages have been sent, or calls made, or dinners brought over, or emails in my inbox, or kind texts, or prayers in my behalf, or gifts brought to the hospital?? I can't count. I have cried and been strengthened so many times by pick-me-ups and loving gestures large and small to help. I just wish that I could fully express what each of those have meant to me. How much they helped me to feel loved and to keep going! Thanks for even reading this blog to stay caught up or just letting me know you care.

How can I ever say thank you to all of these people who have helped me?? My Heavenly Father, my Savior, my family, and my friends??  I guess I can't really express it enough. So I'll try with ridiculous blog post.

I just want to say thanks. Thanks so much!

I feel grateful and loved.

Too much love for this heart, that has given me so many problems, can hold! I guess that is why my tear ducts are connected to my heart. When it's too full it runs over.

More later :).


Brianna Jean said...

Hey Chelsea,
My name is Brianna Call. We went to High School together but I never had the opportunity to get to know you. I just wanted to tell you how courageous and spiritual you are. You are an inspiration to people like me who whine about having to get up in the morning 30 minutes earlier.
Thank you for your genuine expression of your life and I'm happy to hear that you are doing well and recovering greatly.

-New blogger friend :)